mothering update

Recently I wrote a post on modern motherhood and how I've been feeling burned out as a mother. So I thought I'd update you all on how I'm doing since arriving in Kansas...

When I first arrived my parents kept me more than busy with a trolley tour, then friends for dinner that I ended up cooking for, church and lunch with my grandmother, I skipped out, however, on the fourth of July party much to mother's disappointment, and then a birthday dinner for my mom on the fifth. Finally, I got to take a breath and relax on the 6th. And that' s when things really got good on the mothering front. That day we drove to the other side of town to the DMV to get my Kansas driver license. Since my mom thought that I may need to take the test after living out of the country for so long, she had me drive on the way there.

Oliver is a wonderful baby, but I fathom that like most babies in the active/exploring stage, he doesn' t really like being strapped down in his car seat. Before our journey I breastfed him so that I knew he wasn't hungry, and my mom even sat in the back seat to entertain him, but it wasn' t long at all before he was howling to get out of that seat. As I've written earlier, I follow the attachment parenting model of responding quickly to your child's cries. And, anyhow, any mom, you can relate to how hard it is to just let your wee one scream at the top of his lungs, as Oliver was doing at that point. But I knew my mom was there to comfort him, and I knew he wasn't hungry so I kept driving even though everything inside me was wanting to pull over and hold him. Thank goodness I didn't, because soon after my near pull-over when we started talking and ignoring him, he finally fell asleep.

You're probably thinking, so that was your big story? Well, it may not sound like a big deal, but for me, letting Oliver cry for change without feeling like I was going to damage him for life, was an important hump for me to get over. Hopefully, it won't be necessary for him to "cry it out" often, but at least I know that he can cry himself to sleep just in case...

Other exciting new developments for me are having a willing babysitter--my mom, and a new, extemely efficient Avent breast pump. (Thanks Suze for the pump recommendation, but I went ahead and splurged for the Avent pump.) Now that our schedule is no longer jam-packed with events, my mom has been awesome about taking care of Oliver when I need a rest or want to do something. I've come to the conclusion that my mom is the perfect person to help me out as I'm dealing for the first time with the wonderful but overwhelmingly full-time job of mothering an infant because she understands exactly what I'm going through and is perceptive and thoughtful enough to offer to look after Oliver (many times)before I even ask. I've also come to realize, sadly, that like so many women, it's hard for me to ask for help even when I'm worn-out because I've got this deeply embedded idea in my head that in order to be a "good woman" (mom, wife, etc.) I should be able to do it all on my own. Why is it so damn hard to ask for a little help? Anyone have the same problem?

Other good news is that Oliver is an incredibly happy baby here. My parents' house is so big compared to our small apartment, that it will take a very good while for him to run out of new, exciting things. By now he's crawling all over the house, even in the non-carpeted areas. Some highlights for him are the petting my folks' dog Simon, sticking his hand in the backyard fountain, opening the cabinets (it's time for more baby-proofing!), and of course, sticking everything in his mouth. Yesterday he turned 9 months, and we celebrated by swimming in the pool in his new inflatable boat. He loved it! I'll try to post some pictures tomorrow...